Would you like to move on from the grief/loss of a situation, person or occurance that allows you to remember the whole picture of what was and
embrace life without forgetting the loss? As a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® trained by staff at the Grief Recovery Institute®, I facilitate the recovery
process that will allow you to work through the unfinished emotional business the loss has created.
Grief is the normal and natural reaction to every major change in our lives. Death is the most often related loss that comes to mind,
but there are more than 40 different kinds of losses; examples are divorce, death of a pet, job loss, promotions/demotions, empty nest,
deployment, moving, loss of income, or home... One of the biggest problems for all of us is that we have had little or no
formal education in how to recover from the losses in our lives.
It is normal and natural to think of things you wished you had said to a loved one after they die or when a
relationship ends or a life altering event changes the course you were on. Sometimes the things you want to say have to do with how you wished
things/circumstances had turned out different or better, and sometimes they concern dreams that you had for the future. The grief you experince
is different and unique to you. The grief you feels for each loss in your life depends entirely on your own personal relationship with the person who died
or who is no longer a part of you life.
You have likely heard of "the stages of grief…”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a pioneer in hospice, discovered that there were five common phases
people diagnosed with a terminal illness experience.These phases: denial – anger – bargaining – depression -- acceptance could be experienced
in different order and even repeated by people dealing with the grief of their own pending death. Her research had nothing to do with the emotional grief
felt by the surviving family members and friends. Further studies, including one by Yale which was reviewed by the Journal of the American Medical
Association in 2007, further discounted the concept that there were any “Stages of Grief". However, there is healing from grief and gaining the ability to face
the grief expereinces anyone who lives their life fully will experience throughout one's life.
The only reasonably consistent thing that grievers seem to feel is a sense of being overwhelmed by the news of a death which can last moments or even
days, as it is simply an emotional reaction.
Free E-book Compliments of The Grief Recovery Institute®
Because we were not taught how to respond to grief we may say things that ring hollow to the person experiencing the loss/grief:
“I know how your feel…” No one knows how you feel because each griever's experience is unique to you and your experience.
“They are in a better place…” The person may be in a better place, but that does not make the loss any less emotionally painful because you are
stuck here and are left to deal with everything in “this place.”
“You shouldn’t feel bad because…” Certainly you have the right to feel as badly as you want and to express those feeling of loss. Emotional loss is painful.
“You should be grateful for…” You might feel grateful that your loved one is no longer suffering, that doesn't mean that you, the griever, is not suffering.
“It was God’s will…” or “God never gives us more than we can handle…” This may or may not reflect your personal religious belief. However, it doesn't discount that
you may feel like the loss is more than you can handle or are ready for.
“They led a full life…” This may be true, but many of us wish that we still had more time to share.
“You need to keep busy…” Keeping busy does keep our minds occupied, but it does little to relieve the emotional pain of loss. When the busy-ness ends, the
emotional pain is still there.
And finally,“Grief just takes time…” Time does nothing to heal the pain of emotional loss. Many people count on a set period of time to help them recover,
but all that time does is pass by. If nothing is done to successfully deal with the loss, the best that you can hope for is to become used to feeling the emotional pain.
The Grief Reocvery Method's goal is to teach the skills necessary to move on from the emotional pain one has in going through loss. It focuses healing from the loss experince by taking action steps to deal with the emotional
loss impacting your life at this time.
Connie Clark and Zeus, Connie's ShihTzu